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Rather strange. Kinda Odd. Sorta creepy.

July 5, 2009

. .

Is it just me or is there anyone else out there who also thinks Julia Roberts is an OK actress, but hardly a Hollywood goddess in the looks department?  Julia Roberts

She just isn’t pretty in my opinion.   Her head is  huge, too big for her body and  her mouth goes ear to ear.   I’m sure she’s a nice person and a perhaps even quite talented with a script in hand, but physical beauty?  Only if you’re really into Pez dispensers.

Otherwise, I’m just not seein’ it.

I was skimming through the satellite  this weekend and stopped on the Disney Channel.  Hannah Montana was on.  I watched it for a while, embarassed by the horrible writing and even worse acting.  That’s when I decided to regard series lead actress, Miley Cyrus as strange.    For starters, she’s been 16 for the past four years and her voice has a creepy timbre to it.   I had a deep voice as a child and young woman, but she’s vying to be the next raspy talking Brenda Vacarro, Suzanne Pleshette and Rose Marie  in terms of vocal stylings. 

She’s a woman child in the strictest sense.

Did I mention that I find her completely annoying, too?

So, I was watching something on some channel Sunday afternoon and up flashed Barbara Walters on the screen.    I was startled at what I saw.   

You see, when an esteemed actors or newsperson (especially for those with  XX chromosomes seething throughtout her DNA’s doube helix) starts to  age physically, the Director of Photography will often try to help out the magicians in make-up by filming the woman through a soft filter or gel screen which attempts to soften the  facial lines and wrinkles.   You can tell if a lens of this nature is being used in the shot.   It has an almost ephemeral quality to it.

In Babs’ case, I could barely discern it was a human being, much less her specifically.   I found the whole attempt to make this octogenarian appear young and vivacious quite funny.   

She just looked out of focus.

Well obviously, this is a case of ‘Vanity, thy name is Barbara’ and I would suspect the image of  her on our TV screens will only get worse in the future.  I imagine that by spring of 2011, she’ll simply come across on camera as ectoplasm.

ectoplasm

So, come on, Barbara—suck it up like fellow journalist,  Helen Thomas.  Helen don’t care about her looks no more.  She don’t go for no Vaseline schmeared on the lens.   Helen is open and honest about her  hideousness.   Gravity and age (and apparently political heat from Obama love) are combining to contort her face into sort of odd Picasso-esque face melt.

Case in point:

This is a photo of Helen from 2000.

HelenThomas

We can see evidence of face melting back then; some nine years ago.

Here’s Helen in present day, photographed not long after she  attended a White House Press briefing:

melting face2 

I like your moxie, Helen though I suggest you do something about that eye popping thing that’s happening.  I’d suggest having your physician check your thyroid.

.

I was skimming through the satellite  this weekend and stopped on the Disney Channel.  Hannah Montana was on.  I watched it for a while, embarassed by the horrible writing and even worse acting.  That’s when I decided to regard series lead actress, Miley Cyrus as strange.    For starters, she’s been 16 for the past four years and her voice has a creepy timbre to it.   I had a deep voice as a child and young woman, but she’s vying to be the next raspy talking Brenda Vacarro, Suzanne Pleshette and Rose Marie  in terms of vocal stylings. 

She’s a woman child in the strictest sense.

Did I mention that I find her completely annoying, too?

Dakota Fanning is also kind of creepy.   I don’t think she has ever been a child.  She had such an adult-like countenance about her.   I doubt if she ever played by herself or with other kids.   I’ll bet she never pretended to run a store, a hotel or a brothel as we did when we were kids.   I’ll bet her memories of childhood consists of nothing but sound stages, reading scripts and craft services.   

michael_jackson2Sadly, that could contribute to some  fairly  strange  behavior as an adult.  Oh, you know – – she’ll do things not unlike Michael Jackson did:   she’ll want llamas someday;   she’ll buy the mishapen mask that special effects expert, Rick Baker made for Eric Stolz  in the movie Mask;  she’ll buy Allen Funt’s bones (anyone??) and she’ll eventually pal around with a large Rhesus monkey named Soapy Orbs.  

You laugh but this is all quite plausible considering Dakota’s father’s full name is actuallyJoseph Jackson Fanning.

I am no longer a fan of Brad Pitt.  I thought he was the cutest thing next to squeezing my ass into size 6 jeans when I first saw him in Thelma and Louise back in the early 90’s.    I thought he was a decent actor, too but then I saw him in the movie,  Mr. and Mrs. Smith.   You know that scene in which he comes back to the hotel room with breakfast after he and Anjelina’s character spend a night of debauchery together?     She’s just woke up and still in bed, a flower in her hair and he’s standing by the window looking at her.  As he does,  his nostrils flaring like some scent horny simian preparing to pounce on a nest of tasty, tasty termites.

Haven’t been able to look at him since.

I was watching one of the upper tier channels on DISH and that usually means one of them educational channels and lo and behold, a commercial featuring BILLY MAYS came on!   And what’s even wierder, he began the thing by shouting. “Hi Bill Mays here and I’m back again……”

I watched the spot in its entirety and not once did it mention that Billy had died or what have you.

That wasn’t only strange but in bad taste considering Billy’s bod lies in a newly dug grave.

♦  

Finally, I can’t get into the show, Desperate Housewives.     I can’t trust a situation (real or from Tinsel Town)  in which the female characters are all thin, decent looking, perfectly coiffed, expertly made-up  and wearing amazing clothes that don’t possess ANY elastic around any waistband at any time.

Ah yes…to someday be able to walk through a door at the saDr. Smith11me time my stomach does, as opposed to the rest of my body entering it some two minutes after my gut does. 

Oh the pain!  The pain!!!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. Blanche permalink
    July 5, 2009 7:32 pm

    I think Jules is a pretty good actress and she was good in Erin Brockovitch in spite of her slutty clothes. By the way, if you’ve seen that movie, the real Erin played the waitress-an extremely small part. Just fact. Jules also played the battered wife well in Sleeping …, I thought. I have no desire to have lunch or dinner with her but I do respect her as an actress because I feel she really tries the roll she plays. However, I agree with you on her looks but I guess it doesn’t matter to Danny Boy.

  2. July 6, 2009 12:53 am

    This is one hell of a funny post!

    Julia Roberts is not that good looking.

    Gabby says that Miley Cyrus sounds creepy and that the show is worse than “Saved By The Bell”.

    As far as I can tell, I’m the only guy on this planet that doesn’t think Angelina Jolie is hot. I just don’t. I also hate tattoos.

  3. Blanche permalink
    July 6, 2009 4:24 am

    Thank goodness I have no more daughters at home who would mimic this “girl wonder”. I remember my youngest listening to Brittney sing but that was it. Kelly had too much class.

  4. July 6, 2009 7:27 pm

    Helen looks like the Emperor from Star Wars–in drag. EWWW!

  5. July 6, 2009 9:06 pm

    Laurie, that picture of Helen Thomas will forever remind me of the trees in “The Wizard of Oz” thanks to you. Also, that picture of Michael Jackson reminds me of the “face” on Mars.

  6. July 6, 2009 9:13 pm

    Oh, I just got that J.W. You are so right. What a great comparison.

  7. raisingsmartgirls permalink
    July 7, 2009 8:57 am

    I absolutely loathe Hannah Montana, between the awful acting and the materialism the show espouses.

    I wrote this post over a year ago because I was so disgusted with what little girls in my daughter’s kindergarten were into:

    Is this really what mothers want for their daughters?

  8. raisingsmartgirls permalink
    July 7, 2009 9:40 pm

    Oops…I ended up re-printing the article here:

    http://raisingsmartgirls.wordpress.com/2009/07/07/is-this-really-what-mothers-want-for-their-daughters-2/

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